The Joneses Family Vacation

If you've ever seen the movie The Johnson's Family Vacation, multiply it by 10 and you'll get an idea how our annual pilgrimage to Mississippi went. The blessing is that I predicted I would want to throw one of the children from the moving vehicle or physically harm George, but I made a decision to stay calm and take in whatever was thrown at me. I would prefer to fly to Mississippi, however George and Dorian enjoy the road trip, and it gives us an opportunity to stop and visit my mother in Phoenix along the way. While I recognize how blessed I am to have a husband that is frugal and saves more than half of our monthly income (our goal is to retire early and focus only on what we have a passion for), his frugality sometimes gets in the way of having fun. First let me start by saying only one of the girls wanted to travel with us, so we saved on additional hotel expenses, by staying with family, but that wasn't the only savings George found.
Sure you read this, and it makes for a funny blog entry, but when you're driving cross country, what is the typically the goal? You guessed it, get to where you are going without having to stop 5 million times for restroom breaks. George had a different goal in mind, he set out to find the cheapest gas in town along the way. Mind you we drove in his Honda Civic (a car he recently purchased to save on gas), so we already knew gas would be less expensive than my Land Rover we drove there last year. This would not have been such a headache, if he had utilized the internet from his smart phone in order to research this prior to the trip, or even while we made our stops. To save money on his cell phone bill, he has a phone that is a pocket PC, but isn't connected because he won't pay for the services to utilize all the functions of the phone. He also has had the phone for several years now, and it no longer holds a charge to even be functional. He doesn't even utilize my smart phone (which is on it's own plan, as we have different opinions regarding a monthly cell phone budget), instead he puts $5 - $10 in fuel in the car to see if the next gas station we encounter has cheaper gas. We did this the entire car trip home, which cost us over 6 hours in time. At some point I did pay him back. He doesn't have a CD player in his car, so we had to rely on local radio stations or conversation to keep us entertained. While driving through Texas, you can find any genre of country music (yeah, there is a difference) and I found a classic country station that played everything from the theme to Ponderosa to Show Tunes. I had two cups of coffee and a Red Bull in order to stay awake to make it to the cheapest motel with the best free breakfast and I sang everything that came on the radio loud and off key. While it kept me awake and entertained, it also kept George awake when he was trying to nap. These are adventures the kids will look back on and want to duplicate when they have families of their own, as for me, I'm just glad to be home and out of that tiny car.

Home for More Than the Holidays

It's been a full year since George has been home regularly. This time last year, he accepted orders that kept him away from home, and reduced him to a weekend visitor with his family. As we plan to have more children next month via IVF, I'm thrilled that he will actually be home to assist with the four children as I embark on what may become a huge hormonal journey. While I'm excited to have him home, I know that we will have to get used to bumping past each other in the hallway, reaching over one another while looking for snacks in the fridge, and finding our space again while hogging all the covers at night. We work well together, but my inability to give George my undivided attention during the day with little ones still at home, may throw him for a loop, or drive me batty. Over the course of the past two years, I've spent most weeks without my husband. I've had to rely on friends for childcare during evening classes, schedule doctor's appointments during children's school hours, and waited until weekends before attempting such tasks as salon visits. I've placed my businesses on hold, as well as schooling until further notice. Once I become accustomed to a daily schedule with four children, I will be able to pick all the balls up again and start juggling.
As we plan for our annual cross country drive to the south to visit family for the holidays, I look forward to having less kids and a whole week with George. This may be our last drive without additional kids. Next year if the girls are still with us, we will take them on vacation with us. One of the girls, Olivia, has stated she wants to join us regardless. The oldest and youngest girl would like to spend the week with their mother. Though I feel a bit uneasy about being so far away and leaving them behind, I've prayed and am satisfied knowing they will be fine. They may not enjoy their time alone with their mother, however they will certainly have a greater appreciation for their new home. There are lots of tasks to get acomplished before the year is out, and having George home for this period of time (however short it may be) is just what the doctor ordered. Stay tuned for my next entry to find out if having George home is as exciting as it seems.

We have the ability to soar!

As I am often subjected to watch children's shows and movies, I must find some purpose to them. There has to be some underlying story line that would interests the parents that take their children to see these movies. While the girls are in our care, George and I have decided to expose them to as many great experiences, culture and Christ and we possibly can. Dorian is also enjoying this sudden influx of activities as well (although he has many experiences spread out over the course of his 7 years). I desperately wanted to see "Despicable Me" and I found it playing at a drive in along with "The Legends of the Guardians." I'm not a fan of movies with talking animals, however both movies were playing together. Without telling you the entire plot of the movie (in case you decide you actually want to go see the movie), there was a basic yet meaningful underlying message. There was one owl who had made false promises to a specific group of owls who agreed to follow her and advance her kingdom. Those owls were permitted to learn to fly in order to grab the attention of the other owls so that their side looked more appealing. Those who could fly were considered more powerful and better respected. So it is in the world. We allow the outward appearance of success of others allow us to think they are superior to us. We stop striving and pushing to do better because we think we are not entitled to it. We consider selling out to the wrong side, or the wrong things simply for success and worst, we forget we have the same capability as others to fly. There were a few owls who were the exception. They refused to sell out to the wrong side and recognized their own abilities to fly. Once they flew away, no one ever watched them fly and became empowered to do so themselves. However those exceptional owls never stopped to encourage others to fly either. They simply went away for help, never realizing their own talents and bravery was all the help the other owls needed. Perhaps I would have rewritten the movie, but it was a wake up call to me. How often are people willing to sell out to the wrong side? How often do we, who refuse to sell out, often look at those who have sold out, and wonder is the grass truly greener over there. We were not given wings to simply walk around and look at others flying, lets put them to use. Unwrap the gifts and talents that are in you and move some mountains... or better yet, just fly over them.

Inside Access to the Joneses

George and I are very practical in most areas of our life. We understand the importance of God in our lives and marriage, and we also understand that we are both human. Though George is a licensed auto mechanic and has a degree in electronic engineering, he never relies on technology. He says it's faulty and largely due to human error. We try hard not to place each other on too high of a pedastal, as we both have our challenges with hight. The one thing we can agree on and are committed to is our marriage. As with any relationship we've had dry patches, however we know the satisfaction we now experience with our union is based on our willingness to work on maintaining. While we continue to get on each other's nerves, it's more important to be happy, than to be right. The truth always surfaces, and the other person will be able to see you were right, chances are they see it in the moment but may not want to admit to it. Recently, George and I attended a workshop, where the facilitator admitted that he told his wife she was always right, simply because having a peaceful home was more important to him. George says out loud "I don't think so." Our Pastor, who was sitting at the same table as us, said "George, you're still young." I laughed and told him (as I always do) when you get 50, you will be awesome and unstoppable. A few moments later he leans over and whispers to me "I'm still right." I laugh and rub his knee and whisper back, "yes, baby, you certainly are." We do not have examples of a perfect marriage to look at. Neither of our mothers and fathers remain married, or were ever married for that matter. Neither of us grew up in homes where there was both parents (or even step parents) in the home. We are both products of single women. However we work because we waited on God to send us each other, and we continue to understand that God is a big part of our marriage. I was once told by a church member, who had been married to his wife for over 25 years. People often look at their marriage as a two sided coin, a head and a tail. He said the problem with that analogy is that the wife is never considered to be the tail, and there are three sides of a coin, the side you don't really see is what keeps the coin rolling. The same is true with a marriage. There are three sides, him, her and God. You may not always see God, but he is what keeps your marriage rolling. I'm so blessed to be married to a man who understands that.

Memorable Moments with Mom

I love fires! Before you pick up your phone to call the proper authorities to warn them of my pyrotechnic tendencies I mean a controlled fire that one makes in the safety of a fireplace or outside fire pit. There is something about the warmth of the fire on a cold day or night that lulls the emotions to rest. As much as I enjoy fires, and while I have both a fireplace and an outside fire pit, I'm ashamed to say I have only used the fire pit once, and have just recently put the fireplace to use. In June we had an AC unit installed, and the contractor must have crossed wires and disconnected the heater. We often experience extreme temperatures on the hill, as there are no shade trees, only brush. It hasn't been extremely cold in the evenings, but it has dipped down to lower 60's. As a source of heat, we decided to put to use the piles of firewood and kindling we have stockpiled at the back of our property along the fence line. I refuse to place in a television in our sitting room where the fireplace is located, so the children had no choice but to enjoy the fire while listening to me read aloud. They loved it so much they decided to have a camp out in our sitting room. My goal for the girls while they are in our home, is to expose them to as much God as possible, to create meaningful experiences and memories, and to educate them as much as possible. All of us, except George who is only home on the weekends, have come down with some type of cold. While I'm unable to hold four children in my lap and rock them to comfort, I believe they felt that love last night and the fire was able to capture their woes as a substitute for my all too small lap. I look forward to the holidays as we travel with the girls. They have never experienced traveling, staying in hotels, or a real vacation. Our goals as parents should stay consistent with our own children. They will have the rest of their lives to be adults and be independent, yet they will only have a few years to build memories from their childhood. Let's help them build all they can.

Ta'Rell's Garden

So my four year old shadow and I decided to start a garden.



We get the other kids involved when they get home from school, but it's mainly Ta'Rell's project, as she doesn't start school until next year. This allows her to do all the things that are so developmentally important to preschoolers, including playing in the dirt. Ta'Rell and her sisters will only be with us temporarily, but the Joneses are always prepared for longer if necessary. All of the children love working in the garden, and it also allows them to eat healthy fresh produce, and we save money. We've taken some of the elements from the yard that were eye sores that George promised to get rid of, but remain after several months. We plan to use the old rusted wheel barrow as a raised garden box for our herb garden.



We took some old tiles, that were left in the yard at our last house (that George brought with us for some reason) and we broke them to create a broken tile walkway that runs through the middle of our garden.



An old used tire will become a planter for some greenery. We've created a sitting area that will have taller surrounding plants and a brick walkway to get to the sitting area without stepping on our plants.



We are currently preparing the ground to transplant our seedlings to the fertile ground. Where we live there are tons of rabbits, so we will need do something to prevent the rabbits from feasting on our vegetation without harming them or our vegetables. Our neighbor across the street has a nursery, so we will solicit her help with keeping the rabbits away. Ta'Rell is excited to get up every day and water her plants. She talks to them and encourages her older sisters and cousin to love the plants, not harm them. They see her passion for the plants, and they listen to what she tells them. We look forward to harvest season (just around the Thanksgiving Holiday), so that we can bring some items from our garden to our table.

A lot to chew

Well folks, we are almost used to the new larger version of the Jones Household. With George only home on the weekends, I've had to care for all four children by myself. His version of interacting with girls is very different from mine. Our cultural differences (he's a southerner I'm a CA girl) sometimes become a bit of a challenge. When he goes places, he will only invite Dorian to tag along and leave the girls home with me. While I can understand he wants some alone time with just our son, it eliminates any possibilities of bonding with the girls. He is the only father figure they will have experienced in their lives thus far, and in our conversations I have made it clear my concern with his lack of interaction with them. The girls have yet to figure out how to interact with him, and when he comes home on the weekends they are stand-offish with him. I make every attempt to make everyone comfortable, but we're not there yet. The 8 year old sometimes cries and wants to return to the chaos she once called home. The home where they often missed meals, were left behind with others to care for them. Missed school causing them to be held back, as well as never seeing the doctor for any illnesses or injuries. As crazy as that may sound to some of us, the chaos she once lived in is familiar to her. The structure of our home and expectation of good behavior, appropriate language and homework is a challenge for her to get used to. Her conversations with her mother are often negative comments to build her case of why she should be allowed to return home. Her mother (27 with 7 children), takes the words of an 8 year old literally instead of reading between the lines. The children have been easier to get used to, it's dealing with the rest of their family that becomes a challenge at times.

With all that is going on in our house, I am preparing myself to take on Orangeview's largest consulting contract thus far. This contract extends over the course of 12 months, and has the ability to be renewed annually as long as funding is available. I am more than excited. We will be moving into an office building October 1st and hiring additional staff with this contract. I will also began school October 25th, so there is a lot to manage in such a short time, however I'm certain I will be able to handle it all. When God blesses, it's often a windfall and you simply have to open your arms and embrace it all.

Papa Bill 8/2/42 - 9/9/10

Last Wednesday I had an appointment to meet with my godmother and completely forgot about our meeting. What was so unusual was that we both forgot. Our meeting was to take care of paperwork so she would have the authority to sign documents and handle business for her ailing husband. I left her a message that evening when I remembered our missed meeting. She called me the next morning shortly after 9am. I answered the phone expecting her to discuss rescheduling of our last meeting when her voice cracked and I could hear she was crying. She then gave me the worst news I'm sure she has ever had to give, her husband of 34 years had passed less than 2 hours prior. As I scrambled to get dressed to run to my best friend's job to inform her about her father, my heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. It seems just as it was sinking, there was a beam of hope and joy. He would no longer suffer the stiffness of the shell of a body that had been stricken with Parkinson's Disease. His life here on Earth had certainly earned him a place in Heaven, and he was now rejoicing with angels and family members who had gone on before him. His passing occurred only a couple days before my own wedding anniversary, and a week prior to his own 34th year anniversary. As George and I traveled to drop the kids off at their mothers, I began to cry uncontrollably. George looked at me wondering what was wrong. We had planned this wonderful weekend getaway, and here I was sobbing like a baby. It took a day, but it had finally hit me that the man who had given me off beat marital advice (that proved to be more valuable than I knew at the time), was gone forever. I told Dorian that his Papa Bill was gone, and he hung his head and said, "but I didn't get to tell him bye." At 7, he still experienced the same challenge we have as adults when we loose a loved one. I now was able to tell him something my mother had never knew to tell me at 6 years old when my brother died. I simply told him, if you live a life as good as Papa Bill did, you didn't need to say goodbye. Your last "see you later" will suffice, and you will have a spot in heaven along with Papa Bill. As we prepare for his home going memorial service tomorrow, I comforted by the very words I told my 7 year old. It's not "good bye", it's "see you later."

Three Little Girls...OMG!!!

Yesterday, George and I became the legal guardians of 3 little girls, ages 4,5 & 8 years. Knowing the 5 year old needed her shots and dental appointment prior to being admitted into kindergarten, I was proactive and set all her medical appointments a week prior to their arrival. I moved Dorian's room to what was once our guest room, took the furniture out the guest room (it still sits in my sitting room up against a wall) and moved in the three beds into Dorian's old room. They each have one pair of shoes (that are just about worn), and all of their clothes were filthy. I know it's only been one day, but I am buried in little pink socks and dresses that all need washing and matching to the right little girl. This morning we were running behind (as it's gonna take time to get used to having to get three extra people dressed and ready each day), and I mixed up the clothes. There were little bodies lying on the floor attempting to wiggle their way into pants that were too tight, and others walking around with pants falling off asking me where is a belt. My new haircut requires that I take time to actually comb my hair, but somehow I think I'm going to have to return to curls or braids or something that requires less of my attention. I started classes on Monday (thank God they're online courses), however with no financial aid yet, and three extra children who require my time, energy and money I just may have to drop these classes and add them back into my schedule next summer. That would leave me starting classes in 8 weeks instead of this past Monday. It pushes me back an extra two months from my degree at the end of next summer, but it's just 8 weeks, and these girls need my attention.
George called this morning with his usual friendly banter, but with three little girls still at home (my goal is to have all of their paperwork and shots taken care of to start school on Monday next week), I was in no mood to be harassed. He quickly asked if I was mad at him, then I reminded him I was in the middle of getting the girls settled in...alone. I imagine over the next 6-8 weeks the girls should be settled, as well as the rest of us, and we'll get back to being the Joneses as usual...what ever that means!

Blessings in the Secret Places

I have recently experienced a season of visual drought. What I mean by "visual drought", is that from the natural eye everything seems to be dry desert land. As I meditated this morning, I began to realize that this seemingly dry period, was actually a blessed time. This past summer season, Orangeview duplicated the successes we had in our first year of business (which seemed to have been an unrepeatable fluke), my marriage is better than wonderful, and my family is doing well. Certainly there are various wants that have yet to be met, however everything we need we have. So then what is the deal with the "visual drought?".
As I meditated, specifically on Biblical History, I realized that during times of famine God always blessed someone. In a moment that seemed all hope was gone, there was a ram in the bush.
When the men came to get Jesus, he was among his disciples, one who was very close to him named Peter. Peter is my favorite disciple, he had "gangster" tendencies." Peter would cut someone for simply looking at Jesus wrong. He was the only man (not including Jesus) to ever walk on water, simply because he believed he could do it if Jesus was there with him. Although a bit impetuous, Peter was dedicated to Christ. Peter was known to carry a sword, and when the men came to claim Jesus so that he can be brought up on charges (which later led to his crucification), Peter didn't hesitate to draw his sword and cut off the ear of one of the men. This action was not noticed by everyone in the crowd. Visually, everything appeared to be a normal confrontation of Jesus. Peter knew what he had done, certainly the man who lost his ear knew, and Jesus. Jesus simply picked up the mans hear, placed it back on without breaking conversation to the other men. The man's whose ear was restored not only knew in that moment the power of Jesus Christ, but received a blessing in secret.
It is a challenge sometimes remaining in the "Secret Places" because as business owners, mothers, husbands, wives, pastor's, etc, we feel the need to be open and public so that we can be blessed. Had the other men known what Peter had done in that moment, it would have caused a fight, and the man may never have had his ear restored. Sometimes your Secret Place is to prevent your enemies from fighting against what God is trying to bless you with. Enjoy the Secret Place, and know that there are blessings right where you are.

Cheap Family Escape

Summer has always been my favorite season. It is especially fun now that I have a child of my own. Sure being out of school was exciting, but the best memories I have about my childhood summers, involve a drive in theater. We've already gone three times this season and it's only July 1st. While George could care less about going to the movies (he's a home body) Dorian and I enjoy grabbing a pizza, getting some popcorn and soda at the theater, and parking backwards in The Tank (our 1989 chevy suburban) with the tail gait down and watching whatever is playing on the big screen. We not only get to see two movies for less than the price of one at the walk in theater, we get to put on our pajamas and go in public and it's totally acceptable. The large pizza cost me $5, the movies cost us $15 for three people and the popcorn and soda cost us another $10. Dinner for three and two movies for only $30 and memories that will last my son forever. George is only home on the weekends, and is often caught up in his personal to do lists that he becomes distant even when at home. The only quality time we spend with him, is often when we get him out of the house. There is nothing better than spending time with those you love, and it doesn't have to cost you an arm and a leg. The years go by quickly, and there is only a short time in which kids enjoy hanging out with their parents. I plan on making the best of the time we have, it's non-recoupable.

This Thing Called Marriage

So you can probably determine from the title of this blog entry that I'm not writing on business matters, school  or personal values today. While business has picked up, due to it being camp season, and I'm turning in paperwork next week to begin school any day now, marriage is the condition that is at the forefront of my mind. "What God has put together, let no man tear apart" are words that ring loudly in my spirit. Man is biblically generic for woman as well. What we often fail to realize is that "no man/woman" includes the two people involved in the marriage. Complaining your husband won't take out the trash, fails to mow the lawn, or pick up after himself is void if your marriage was established by God. If your problems are much larger (which they seem to always be), prayer is what will change things. Not just prayer that God will change your spouse, but that he will also help you to deal with what you are going through. When we magnify God, our problems become demagnified, that is our problems become smaller. They don't disappear, but we are able to deal with them they way God would have us, as long as we realize he is the most important factor in our marriage.

These are not just words of encouragement to you, but to me as well. Due to military orders, George is only home on the weekends. This is a schedule that started last November and will continue through at least September/October this year. That is almost an entire year where the only time we have with one another is on the weekends. The only time George and I are in the same room is when we are sleep or at church. This is a huge problem, yet he feels the need to fill his weekend schedule with a massive to do list that often drifts into the following weekend. While this rigorous schedule was easy to maintain when he was younger, as he approaches another decade in age, he's starting to become tired and unable to accomplish the same workload during his weekend home visits. Fatigue has worn him both mentally and physically which I realize causes him to become frustrated with himself and others around him. I've resorted to taking my vehicles to outside mechanics and soliciting other vendors for work he would normally get accomplished. While he put up a fuss in the beginning, he now realizes he's able to spend more time with his wife and 7 year old son. Marriage isn't a cake walk, and it requires much work, but the work becomes achievable when you pray.

Must Be The Dog in Me!

This morning as I hung up the phone from being on the Purpose Prayer Line (951-262-9000 access code 322833# 5am-6am), and let the dogs out for the morning. I noticed something different about their barking. Typically they bark at all the rabbits, ground squirrels and birds to let them all know to take a hike, but this morning their bark was more urgent. Their barking was fast paced and frantic. I could tell they were chasing something because they started barking at one end of the property and ran past my room towards the other side of our lot. As I opened the sliding door to my room, which opens onto the outside front patio,  I spotted my two four month old German Shepherd puppies bolting across my path. I stepped out onto the first step to notice a very large coyote running from them. As I called for my dogs, fearful the coyote might turn on them once he realized he was much larger than they were, they stopped to look at me (including the coyote). Once they realized the coyote had stopped running, they started barking and chasing him again until he leaped our six foot fence and ran off onto the adjacent lot. Part of me was proud that they were finally beginning to earn their keep, but being that I had just finished praying, I looked at the situation through spiritual lenses instead of natural.

When the woman desiring healing for her daughter asked Jesus to help her and he answered saying it's not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs, she answered him saying "even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the master." This is the attitude we have to take on. We have to lay claim on what He has already given us. She could have walked away and not received healing for her daughter, but she realized that even a dog would still get what he wants and she was not leaving until he helped her. My dogs, though they were smaller than the coyote, they proceeded to run him off. We have to fight for what is our God given rebirth rights. There are certain things we are entitled to because we are His. Do not allow something or someone to step into your territory and tell you you can't have what belongs to you. Get just as bold as the woman in Matthew 15:26, or as bold as my four month old puppies and chase haters off by simply standing on what God has promised you!

Don't Make a Season Out of a Session

As I was reading from the Book of Matthew in my Bible this morning, I ran across the scriptures concerning Joseph requesting Jesus' body so that he may place Him in his tomb. Over the years I had become very familiar with this passage of scriptures, as I attended various Easter services. This morning, as I reflected on this passage, I was given a new revelation. I had always simply believed Jesus had the hook up on lots of things, and this was just another example of His status and His ability to live without planning for the future. I then was reminded about how other events in His life occurred, and how they were handled. He payed his taxes, he traveled, he developed disciples and taught them, all of which required a degree of planning and preparation. Then it hit me (I could almost see the light bulb floating over my head in a word bubble), what use did he have for a tomb when he only needed it for 72 hours?

We are taught to plan, prepare, then go back and revisit the plan and adjust our preparations as necessary in order to succeed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to burn your last will and testament, but I am saying stop trying to turn something that God meant for only a session in your life, into a season. I have been praying (without ceasing) for growth and increase in certain areas, and have become discouraged when I have failed to see manifestation according to my timeline. (You can stop laughing now, sure it sounds ridiculous as I type it, but I'm human). I'm trying to buy a tomb, when borrowing one would be sufficient. God is trying to move me forward in the direction he will have my life go, and I'm trying to set up camp where I currently reside.

Some relationships, financial status, places of employment and businesses are meant for a session, don't stay in the place of hurt for long when God removes them from your life. God is waiting for us to look to him for directions, and allow him to order our steps. When we fully submit to him, the blessings will follow.

Sit Down, Shut Up, and Hold On!!!!

While this saying is most popularly seen on bumper stickers or license plate borders, being able to sit down, shut up and hold on are very important directions when it comes to fulfilling your purpose and passion. There comes a point where we must be able to sit down and eliminate the extra errands, work schedules and tasks that may take us further from what we are supposed to be doing. Sitting down allows us to take a break from these tasks and talk thing through with God to find out if these are tasks He is guiding us in doing, or are we just running around in circles aimlessly. 

Once we've talked to God, we have to learn when to shut up. If you are monologging, how will He be able to get a word in, and further more how will you be able to hear what He is trying to say to you. Taking time to meditate and simply be silent, allows for you to acknowledge who He is in your life, and how dependent on Him you are. Being quiet is His just respect and honor He deserves.

Being patient enough to hold on and wait for God's specific instructions and divine downloads is where some of us often fall short. He tells us to do something and we start running with it before He finishes speaking to us. Holding on requires us to move when He tells us to, and not before. If you've asked God for something, be patient enough to hold on until He answers. No answer doesn't not equal permission. 

The time frame these steps take, depends on us. If you get stuck in the "Sit Down" stage, you will find yourself a year later still never have moved forward in that thing you are purposed and most passionate to do. If you get stuck in the "Shut Up" stage but never have patience to enter into the "Hold On" stage, you will find yourself needing to repeat all stages again because you will have never received clear instructions on how to go about fulfilling your vision. The more time you spend with God (speaking to him, loving on him), the easier this process becomes. You will have died to the things you want to do, and will open your eyes to His will, and in the end you will discover He wants for you exactly what you have passion to do. So SIT DOWN, SHUT UP AND HOLD ON and get to work!!!

Daydreams and Tullips

Where did the time go? We are already in the second quarter of 2010. Hopefully you have not wasted time in getting completed (or at least started) on that vision you were given last year. If not, it is never too late to get started. It is easy to become distracted, loose focus, or simply become overwhelmed when you begin your journey in moving forward in your purpose. When we put things back in perspective, we then realize some of of the people we admire or inspire to be like, started off with a simple step at a time. The Bible instructs us to write our visions down. This was not just some random instruction. God knew that once he gave us his vision for our lives, we would be increasingly overwhelmed and easily distracted. Once you have the detailed vision written, it's easier to go back and reread what you are supposed to be doing.

I have written down some magnificent ideas for my businesses, and in 2009 lost focus and didn't read what I had written. Once I regained focus, I revisited the notes and realize there were key steps I had neglected to fulfill which caused an extreme slow period in productivity. We cannot ask to God simply handle everything for us while we sit back and put our feet up. As my Pastor, Dr. Gerald T. Hightower often says, "God is not some cosmic genie." We want blessings without obedience, abundance without sacrifice, and joy without sorrow. Most modern microwaves have a popcorn button that allows you to simply push a button and walk away. We have faith in that button that the sensor will pop our popcorn to the correct specifications without under popping or burning. Yet most of us are unwilling to stand by long enough to hear from God for specific direction for our lives, or unwilling to move out of our comfort zone (which I call fear zone) because it requires work. If you are unwilling to work, then you can expect the rest of 2010 to be just like 2009, and 2008. You can not expect change without being the change.

Stop daydreaming and get to work!!!

Business as usual equals no business at all!!

Take everything you know about business; all the hard work the research, the schooling, the seminars, the studying, the customer service and throw it in the trash. That is exactly what you are doing if you haven't taken any time to develop your strategy for handling customers/clients of all cultural and socio-economical backgrounds. If you still are handling clients with the "cultural tolerance" class you were required to take your freshman year of college, then you are just as outdated as a dot matrix printer. First off, no one wants to be simply "tolerated", it's much more valuable to be appreciated. If you're still referring to the Asian community as "Orientals" (which refers to a rug or art from a time period not a nationality or ethnicity), please let's talk before you shut the doors to your business.

If you plan to appeal to a large crowd that varies in ethnicity, nationality and cultural backgrounds, then you will need to know how to effectively communicate with them. For starts, you will need to know the difference between collectivist and individualistic cultures. Collectivist cultures shy away from the spotlight, and typically do things that will benefit the entire group, not just themselves. They are not only family oriented, but community oriented groups. Their behavior is a reflection on everyone, so they strive not to bring shame to their families or community. Their is typically a spokesperson, and addressing someone who is not the spokesperson is seen as disrespectful. Asians typically fall in this category. If you are doing business with Chinese men, you will notice when they are seated in your conference room, they will arrange themselves in peking order. The person closest to you (or whomever is charge) is the person in charge. When you are handed a business card, read it immediately and do not place it in your pocket. Keep it in your hand and place it on the table when you take your seat, directly in front of you. After everyone is seated, do not go directly into business, ask how their travels were, anything to show you are concerned.

Whew!!!!

....and that's just the beginning. Do you see how you really need to update your communication skills? It is easy to offend another culture, because you are not culturally competent to flow with ease in every environment. I recently destroyed a relationship with a person who provided me a service recently. I accidently gave the wrong bill for a tip. I meant to leave the $5.00 bill for the service provided that cost me $19.00. I accidently handed the person a $10.00 bill. I was running short on cash and time, so needed the $10 for gas. I returned to the smiling person in the shop and exchanged a $5 for the $10. I knew the chance I was taking, but he was only filling in for my usual service provider so I did what was necessary. Needless to say, today when I saw him, he wouldn't even speak to me. Even though a 53% tip is much, my returning and giving him a 26% tip said that he was not valuable enough to give the $10. It is not enough to say that this is America and people need to get over themselves and simply follow the customs of our country (although I must admit I felt that way today when I was given the cold shoulder). In business we must cater to a larger population if we expect to be successful. The greatest business plan is no comparison to great customer service.

Taking it to the streets

Before you get all flustered, I'm not talking about getting 'hood on anyone or anything, I'm talking about marketing my business the way I know best, by getting out there. It's very simple, it's just time consuming and a pain. While I worked as an independent sales rep for AFLAC (one of my many business ventures after leaving the US Air Force), I spent a lot of time marketing directly to businesses rather than individuals. Although I had the advantage of a multi billion dollar annual marketing budget and Gilbert Godfreid to do the duck voice over, what made the company successful were the agents that hoofed it everyday in the streets going from door to door enrolling new clients. Sure for every door I knocked on, there were several more that slammed in my face, but generating over $20,000 in three months showed that I had some successes in my business approach. I simply have to apply that same strategy to marketing my own business.

Once you've defined your target audience, then you simply figure out how to attract them. I know you're reading with expectation, believing I'm about to type the words that will be your golden egg laying goose, but that's not gonna happen....unless you'd like to hire my services. LOL If you are going it alone, then it will require research on your part, and lots of it. If you solicit the help from a business consultant, then we would be able to point you in the right direction after doing the research for you. I know you have seen books that claim to be the answer to everyone's business woes, but the bottom line it's not that simple. Sure there are some basic rules that all entrepreneurs could benefit from, however once you've filed your fictitious business name statement with the appropriate county, filed your article of incorporation with the state for a corporation, opened a business account at the bank, then what? How do you get the business that will put the funds in the account so you can quit your day job (if you haven't already done that). It's not as simple as those books made it seem. You can't walk right in to developing great business credit just because you started a corporation. If you don't keep appropriate business documents and tax filings your corporation will be suspended. There's a big business world out there, and how will you get the help you need? How will you afford help? How do you determine your start up cost?

Relax, breathe, sit back down. You don't have to know all the answers immediately, but finding someone who does know the answers is beneficial. I surround myself with people in the business world who know about areas of business I don't know so we can help each other out. Information swapping is great, because it allows you to give some free information while getting some. The only way this relationship works, is you have to have some knowledge to give. While your online, research your business sector and find out how you plan to fill a service area that is lacking, or provide a product that stands out from the rest. Believe in yourself and your vision, you can do it!

On the move and out of the fog

I'm so excited about moving back to Perris! Okay really, who gets excited about moving back to Perris unless you live in San Jacinto/Hemet (laughing, but quickly returning to a serious face). It's not the 6 bedroom 3 full bathrooms 3,006 square foot home we moved out of prior to moving to OZ, but it is perfect...for now. It's exactly what we are looking to do with our own land. It's a nice 3 bedroom 2 bath country home tucked away high in the Gavilan Hills of Perris overlooking the city lights below as well as the snow covered mountain tops of the San Bernardino and San Jacinto Mountains (on a smog free clear day). There is a covered patio outside the master bedroom where I can enjoy my mornings with a cup of coffee and MacBook, watching the quails, road runners, blue jays and other small aviaries run across the 100% gated 5 acre lot. It's country enough for George, and I get to be a live like I'm country while still being only 15 minutes away from my nail shop and the nearest Macaroni Grill. Because it's completely fenced in, I can let Dorian go outside and not worry about him. Did I mention there is a jacuzzi tub in the master bedroom? The office space George and I will share is much larger than the tiny room we are attempting to squeeze into now. However, we have already agreed that if I decide to take over the large dining room, that is an option as well. There is a center island in the kitchen with barstools, so we may just use that as our table (as I have finally convinced George to throw out his bachelor dining table). My men are extremely messy, and having them eat in an area that has cream colored carpet, is a clean up job I'm not willing to take on.

I'm looking forward to not hearing my neighbors wash their clothes, the sound of only one child screaming & playing, rather than 20, and the relaxation of country living. Over the past three months I've developed chest pain. I've seen specialists, my doctor, had tests done, been placed on a heart monitor, and none revealed what George and I already knew, I was under too much stress. Every time my phone rang my heart would began to jump and I experienced shortness of breath. I was losing passion for my businesses and everything else in life. I wasn't me, I was this version of me I had created to accomplish all these tasks and remain sane.

My Pastor wanted to give me 30 days off from my duties in the ministry in order to allow for a time of rest and focus. It took less than 30 minutes after our conversation regarding the time off, for God to remind me of what I needed to do and what he had instructed me to do several months prior. There were some additional tasks in life I had set aside in order to regain focus and passion that should have never been set aside, like school, my family and my businesses. Sure in September I predicted this coming. I said in my postings how tired I was, yet I never took the time off (and the week spent in Mississippi visiting George's family was not time off because I had to still attend online classes). I needed some true time off. I have found the break in the storm, and instead of filling it with extra "stuff", I exercised my right to say that simple word that we often feel we cannot say in fear of hurting someone's feelings, "no." How would I get myself from under the multitude of tasks that I handle daily? I began delegating some things, and some things I just let go altogether.... and wow, the world continued to spin! I spent more time with my husband and son. I cleaned my house for a change and actually folded the clean clothes rather than leaving them lying on the couch. It was only when I stopped to breathe that I was even able to find another place for us to live. The deal was solidified in a matter of 48 hours. I called the man, we went to see the place, I went back the next day handed the man a check for $500 to take down all the signs soliciting other interested parties, and we set a date to move in.

When God calls us to do something and we accept the calling, he expects us to change our name to Nike and "Just Do It!"

Lean not unto your own understanding....

When you lose the ability to be heard, it is often our natural response to yell. While I mean this literally, this can be metaphoric as well. You have that square peg that you are just trying to force in the round hole, and it won't fit so you push harder - this is your version of yelling. Sometimes when you are not being heard, it's best to remain silent. You've said all you can, it hasn't been received, so you just smile and say "live." One thing I am certain of, is if a person lives long enough they will eventually discover what you were talking about.

I spent hours discussing something with someone and she had zero understanding of what I was telling her. I prayed and asked God to give me better examples to help her understand, and He kept the examples flowing until 2 am the next morning. Finally when I was ready to go to sleep, I asked God why didn't this person understand what I was explaining to her, God simply replied "because you are not the giver of understanding, I am." It goes without saying, but I spend less time trying to get people to understand things these days. I explain, I explain again and then I direct them to the giver of understanding.

This is what we do in life. In our businesses, in our relationships, in our daily tasks. We wonder why things are not fitting, it's because we are forcing them to fit where they don't belong. God has spoken to us and told us to let go of toxic relationships and we are trying to force them to work. We have seen time and time again the evidence they are not for us, and we still force them. I no longer feel obligated to communicate with people who are not sent in my life to better it. This includes relatives as well. I love them all, but some I have to keep at a distance. Their drug and drinking habits will not permit me to walk in my full purpose if I surround myself with such nonsense. We force relationships because we feel obligated to do so. What is our reasoning behind forcing ourselves to walk outside of our purpose? Comfort, fear of the unknown? If you stood in a quiet library loudly yelling at the librarian asking for assistance, everyone would look at you strangely. Imagine how strange you look to God when he knows what you are supposed to be doing, you know what your supposed to be doing, but you are not moving forward to accomplish what is set before you. Certainly God is well aware, just as I am, what you are called to do seems overwhelming. Start with what educators call Task Analysis. That is to break down a large task into small teachable components so that it's much simpler to understand. Write down your vision, then dissect it into smaller parts. Pray over it and ask God for clarity and understanding. As smart as you and I are, we don't have all the answers.
Don't allow 2010 to sneak out of here without having accomplished great things. It's already February, so get started immediately!

Flying With the Eagles

It is necessary to associate yourself with like minded people so that you stay sharpened in your field. The greatest T-shirt I ever read (okay maybe not the greatest, but certainly the most meaningful) said "It's hard to soar with the eagles when I'm surrounded by turkeys." Follow me for a second. In Ice Age The Meltdown (go watch it if you haven't already seen it). A mammoth who is raised by possums believes she is a possum and often attempts to climb trees and hang upside down from her tail. She also plays dead when eagles fly overhead, in fear they will carry her off like they have done in the past to one of her possum uncles. Are you shaking your head realizing how ridicules that sounds, well imagine how ridicules you look attempting to fulfill your purpose surrounding yourself with people who have no interest in helping you reach your full potential.

Although I'm only 25 (with 8 years experience come May 3), I am a huge fan of Nikki Giovanni (the poet, I certainly hope you knew who I was talking about). In one of her poems she reminds us that some believe we are responsible for those we love, but those who are wise know that we are responsible for those who love us. People who truly support you will pour into not only you, but your vision. They will never become so consumed with their own agendas that you are not important. The concept of "irons sharpening irons" means you are to build one another, this should not be a one-sided relationship. If you find yourself without the ability to think regarding your own purpose after conversing with someone and assisting them in becoming a better version of themselves, then it is time to disconnect and cut ties with the relationship. This doesn't mean you should call your mother and tell her to jump off a cliff because she never supported your dream of becoming the first 6'7" overweight ballerina at 45 years old, I'm simply saying now is the season to move yourself into position of fully walking in your purpose and not allowing others (or yourself) to detour you from the vision. Set a goal, and set milestones along the way, and get there. You don't need to reinvent the wheel, grab others to mentor you. There is a difference between a mentor and an idol. A mentor will hold you by the hand and share information, resources and energy with you to reach your potential.

Don't be afraid of moving beyond your current circle of influence. Call that person whose card you received at that business luncheon you went to six months ago. Make yourself known within certain circles. Stop volunteering all your time and request money for your time, you are worth every dime. When I first started Orangeview Family Services my consultation fee to speak one-on-one with families was $100/hr. Because I stopped believing I was worth it along the way I stopped charging. My time spent in meetings became longer, and my income declined. Say it with me! NO MORE FREEBIES!!! As I refocus on personal business ventures, I'm excited about what lies ahead. My new motto is "ask with a straight face." The only thing someone can tell you is no. It's a small two letter word, it doesn't physically cause damage when said, and you will survive it. Eagles rise above it all and soar where the air is clear, above the smog and fog and reach their full purpose and potential. Make the decision today to be an eagle.

Promotion by Demotion

While I have always been taught that "promotion comes from the Lord" something that I recently struggled with was demotion. Our minds immediately begin to race towards the opposite, it must then be a negative and evil event. My personal prayer has always been to gain wisdom from each experience in life, and something I have come to recently understand is promotion doesn't always come in the form we believe it should come in. Sometimes elimination of extra work, projects and responsibilities (which I now see is not always a demotion) is necessary to position us for greatness. As Jennifer Hudson accepted her Academy Award for the role she played in Dream Girls, the most noted point of her speech was she would have never been able to accomplish such greatness without having lost the American Idol competition.
Before conceiving Dorian, I suffered a miscarriage. It was a surreal moment. In the same breath I found out I was pregnant and losing the baby all at once. Several months after the lost I conceived Dorian. After discussing it with my doctor, he began to tell me how I was more fertile due to the loss of the previous pregnancy. I did not feel the loss of the first pregnancy because I was unaware of it, however I am extremely grateful for my soon to be 7 year old who daily redefines my life.
You may have been the most qualified on your job, or had great visions for your business or organization, and suffered great loss. Great setbacks make for even great set ups for an even greater come back. Following your dreams and passions sometimes requires you to eliminate all that you feel is necessary to get you there. This is not always a pretty process, nor painless one. Sometimes you have to close the doors to your business, allow foreclosure to take place on your house so that you can develop a better business and purchase/build your dream home. Sometimes dropping unhealthy relationships is not an option. Everyone (including relatives) is not in your life to help build you, some are sent to attempt to tear you down and help sharpen you. Some people are only sent for a season, and not meant to be lifelong relationships. The only way to get clarity on your direction in life is you must stay connected to the one who has ordered your path. It's easier to get to where you are going when you know which roads to take. We often become comfortable with the familiar faces around us, the daily activities in our schedules and are paralyzed by the mundane.
Take a different perspective when you lose positions, job opportunities, businesses, and relationships. If you were never liberated from that job at McDonald's, you would never found time to build your vision of owning your own business. Sometimes demotion positions your for promotion.

The Midas Touch

Perhaps you are not familiar with the story of King Midas. Allow me to briefly explain. King Midas had the ability to turn everything into gold simply by touching it. While his special ability may seem to be a valuable skill to possess, it presented a challenge when touching loved ones and things he didn't want to turn to gold. What we can take from the story is the ability to make success of what we put our hands to. If you decide to walk in your God given authority (understand the only way to do this is to have an intimate relationship with him) you will possess the Midas Touch. Being a success doesn't mean not having obstacles, it simply means you overcome them to get to where you want to go.

It is only the 6th day into 2010, and yet I have already been faced with setback in moving forward and accomplishing the three tasks George and I have decided to focus on the first quarter of this year. We will not be detoured in our course of action, we just have to readjust our game plan and realize God is still good, and we are still blessed no matter what. We discovered today that there will be a slight delay in accomplishing one of our goals (7 month delay) as we switch our health coverage from one plan to another and be placed on a waiting list for services needed. At least we have medical coverage, and the needed services will still be provided, just at a later date.

I have had a few setback the last quarter of 2009 in marketing my business the way I wanted to, one because of a transportation dilemma, and second because of minor health issues. There was something wrong with the front tires on my Land Rover and I was not comfortable driving it until George had the opportunity to find the problem. Now that he has done that and repaired the problem, I can begin hitting the streets and networking with businesses one on one. A severe cold and acute tonsillitis put me in bed for four weeks straight, two weeks of which I couldn't speak or eat. Now that all is behind me, I am excited about what is ahead of me in 2010. As I stay focus, I am reminded that I have the Midas Touch, and everything I touch will turn to gold this year, that is, I will make a success out of whatever I put my hands to.

Complaining Cancels the Promises

As I've been taking a historical/biblical  journey through those who have had successful families, businesses and lives in general there is one thing that these individuals did not do, complain. If we look at the children of Israel as they left Egypt headed to "The Promise Land", they argued, bickered, fought and complained. Their unruly outward displays of dissatisfaction prevailed over the vision to reach the land they were promised. The revisited old habits they had acquired during their period of captivity that prevented them from walking into the promises of God. If we exegete from this scriptural lesson complaining cancels the promises then it is easy to understand why individually we may not be where we should be. Clinging to old habits that do not work to promote success (notice I said habits that do not work), will not get us any closer to whatever vision you are pregnant with.

While George and I have decided on what three items we will focus on the first quarter of 2010, we both have come to the conclusion that our perspective of things around us must stay positive. We cannot murmur, complain, be disgruntled in the process of getting to where we are striving to get to. While it is great to have a husband/partner that is focused on the same items, not having someone can present a challenge of another kind. Not because you are alone in your pursuit, but because there will always be haters who will attempt to prevent you from reaching your goals. Reading further into Numbers chapters 13 &14, you will find that at one point Moses sent twelve spies to search out the land and find out if going into the land was possible. Though I've read this passage several times, something that stood out this last time was the spies dwelled in the land of "milk & honey" and returned after 40 days. They saw the evidence of the land being fruitful yet they returned and gave a bad report because there were a few obstacles to overcome. How many times have we encountered a hater who didn't see the vision like we saw it, and they said it couldn't be done? People who when presented with the same opportunity allowed the vision to die because it would have required them to shake the dust from their feet and move out of their comfort zone.

Sure it sounds crazy! Most great ideas are. Without sounding crazy we would have never made as many advances as we've done in medicine, science and technology. Out of 12 spies sent to spy out the land, only 2 returned and said it is doable, let's go in and possess the land. We've been getting water from rocks, and food from the sky in the wilderness, it is all possible! While you and I may not have experienced a miracle such as getting water from a rock, you can look back in your life in certain situations and it's comparable. There are certain challenges that I escaped from without real damage and I know that was my water from a rock. If you have gotten through something, you can get to something. If you've survived the desert season in your life then you can continue a little further on your journey to get to the oasis season.

Certainly we all lose heart. I'll admit, I've recently had feelings of inadequacy which has caused me to stop moving forward altogether. I've lost countless nights of sleep worrying about things that didn't deserve my worry. I've gone in circles working on tasks that I've allowed my haters or distractors to throw at me that prevent me from reaching my goals. I've learned to disconnect from people that are simply sent to tear me down. I spend less time talking to people who only have negative reports. I stay away from people who are doing great things only for the satisfaction of themselves, because when they cease to be satisfied (which is quite often) they spill their poison into the lives of those around them. People who never find satisfaction will have a different request of you every week. They will often confuse pursuing greatness with complaints about where they currently reside and want to skip steps in the process to expedite the expected outcome. The process of making you, helps you stay on top when you get there, never underestimate its importance. So today I refuse to complain! I don't want to miss any steps of the process and not know how to handle success (however you define it) when I get there. The process is rough, but lets learn the lessons the first time so that we don't have to repeat them.... or so we don't have to wander around in the wilderness for 40 years until we "get it."