I often find myself assessing the value of things in my life. My businesses, my relationships, me. Somewhere between the conversation with my cousin last night about being a good steward of what God has blessed us with (including relationships), I began to wonder how much do I take my husband for granted. I have been looking at a loved ones current health situation, and the response of those around her wondering why has their not been a bigger response of the relationships she's sown into. Then I sought God for understanding and immediately received clarity. While we can expect others to get over the trials they've encountered with family members, the person who has sown discord will still reap what they've sown. You can't plant corn and expect peas. The negative words we speak to others can not be retracted once spoken, and no apology will reverse the damage they've done.
Each summer, I have my campers take out a piece of paper. I ask them to punch holes in it with a pen. Some get really excited to damage something and really go all out until their piece of paper resembles a melting snowflake. I then ask them to mend the holes, to which they look at me like I'm crazy. I explain to them this is what harmful words do to people. You can tell the person sorry, but it fixes nothing inside of them.
So getting back to assessing my own relationship. I lay there awake last night, wondering what part of serving my husband is love, and what part is obligation. Certainly you don't wake up every morning feeling in love. At some point the butterflies have to die right? Just as I lay there in the darkness, awake staring at the ceiling, George wakes up and puts his arms around me and passionately kisses me as though it were our first kiss. The butterflies in my stomach wake up and flutter and I have no question that I love him much more now than I did when we first started dating and never wanted to be apart. There is an evolution to love that allows you to experience a certain level of freedom. George once told me this, and I truly understand now what he meant. He once told me he required me, like freedom, like air. (Those of you who know George, know that is uncharacteristic for him.) We often move from a place of understanding the evolving of a relationship and believe the passion dying. A friend (more like brother) expressed to me on Sunday what he saw when he looked at George and I, and it blessed me more than he knew. We rarely publicly display any signs of affection, but he saw the love we truly have for one another.
I am reminded how to keep the passion going, successful swimmers come up for air, but they put their face right back in the water and keep swimming to the end. We're not knee deep in this, we're completely submerged.
Each summer, I have my campers take out a piece of paper. I ask them to punch holes in it with a pen. Some get really excited to damage something and really go all out until their piece of paper resembles a melting snowflake. I then ask them to mend the holes, to which they look at me like I'm crazy. I explain to them this is what harmful words do to people. You can tell the person sorry, but it fixes nothing inside of them.
So getting back to assessing my own relationship. I lay there awake last night, wondering what part of serving my husband is love, and what part is obligation. Certainly you don't wake up every morning feeling in love. At some point the butterflies have to die right? Just as I lay there in the darkness, awake staring at the ceiling, George wakes up and puts his arms around me and passionately kisses me as though it were our first kiss. The butterflies in my stomach wake up and flutter and I have no question that I love him much more now than I did when we first started dating and never wanted to be apart. There is an evolution to love that allows you to experience a certain level of freedom. George once told me this, and I truly understand now what he meant. He once told me he required me, like freedom, like air. (Those of you who know George, know that is uncharacteristic for him.) We often move from a place of understanding the evolving of a relationship and believe the passion dying. A friend (more like brother) expressed to me on Sunday what he saw when he looked at George and I, and it blessed me more than he knew. We rarely publicly display any signs of affection, but he saw the love we truly have for one another.
I am reminded how to keep the passion going, successful swimmers come up for air, but they put their face right back in the water and keep swimming to the end. We're not knee deep in this, we're completely submerged.
Thank you for your observations and comments; they are both enlightening and thought-provoking. In direct response to the comment you made about how we sow into relationships, I have to admit that this has been a source of anxiety in my life. I came to this realization not long ago. As you know, I've recently experienced the break up of a relationship, that perhaps should never have been formed in the first place. This, after the divorce of a marriage that should never have taken place. I am alarmed because I find myself so diligently trying to assess, address and adjust how well I treat others, that I often miss tell-tale clues that I am being taken for granted. I don't even care to bare children, or develop relationships with the children in my family out of fear that some of those seeds have taken root in my emotions, subjecting those I love to emotional abuse or neglect.
ReplyDeleteThese are definitely issues I am working through, but I sometimes find myself anxious that I too someday may end up without family, friend, or lover. This, to me is the greatest tragedy in life.
Nish, wow very transparent. In order to be a good steward, we have to be God directed. Those tell-tale signs are evidence that we shouldn't be headed in a specific direction, we waste time when we ignore them and continue to pursue something that is not of Him. Fear (false, evidence, appearing, real) paralyzes us and doesn't allow us to see what is real for our lives. You can have whatever you say/believe, so change the script and live life to the fullest, experiencing every good thing He has for you. At least you recognize the challenges, and I encourage you to continue to pursue Him to work through them all.
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