24 Hours in a day

It has been a moment since I have taken the time to update you on how the Joneses are handling life these days. So many things have found me to fill up my day, I am recently questioning if there are in fact only 24 hours in one day. I had the opportunity to have a heart to heart conversation with the girls this evening. The oldest, who turned 9 on May 22, asked me if their mother was ever going to get her life together to take them back. I told her whether her mother did or not, George and I are committed to raising them and sending them to college just as they were our own children. I told her we were in no rush for her and her sisters to leave, and while it was a serious change and challenge going from one child to four over night, we wouldn't change anything about our decision. Didi (the 9 year old) often asked me questions that require thought. I've recently taken on the responsibility of taking care of my 81 year old aunt. She is completely bed ridden, and cannot do much for herself. The small things she is able to do for herself, she often chooses not to do them. Though I can certainly understand the psychological disappointment she faces being bed ridden, it often is troublesome to me. So today my responsibilities still include four children, my husband (or better yet, my duties as a wife), my commitment to the ministry where I serve, my business, my aunt, and new job and somewhere in there myself. 

Didi, who doesn't say much but is extremely observant, asked me if it was hard to take care of my aunt and do all the things that I do, she also asked why I made a big deal over my husband's birthday, and he didn't do that on my birthday. I attempt to be as honest as I can with the children, but she has made up in her mind that she doesn't want the responsibility of marriage and children. While I try to express to her the joy that comes with the challenge, unfortunately my words don't shadow the reality of the weight of the responsibility. I want her to be happy, and to experience marriage and children when is ready, but I feel that my temporary disappearing act leaves her to desire more as an independent person. I desire more. Over the recent weeks George and I have not been on speaking terms, we've been on fussing terms, but in a desire to regain peace in our house, we've gotten back to our place of zen. There were days where I literally felt like packing up and leaving. I spent nights crying and praying. It seemed that the more I prayed the worst things would get. I then started going the extra mile. If George was hungry, I made his favorite meal. If he wanted take out, I went out of the way to go to his favorite restaurant. I became whatever he wanted in the bed. After a week of pouring out and receiving nothing for my troubles, I begin to see a little light at the end of the tunnel, and finally day break.

My relationship with God keeps me from jumping off the deep end. It gives me strength to do all the tasks I have to complete. It keeps my mouth in control from telling people what I really want to say, and it gives me peace that guards my heart and mind beyond even my own understanding. So while I haven't determined how I manage to get everything done in only 24 hours, I have determined that everything doesn't need to get done immediately and my family is still the most important thing of all.